Do You Want To Be Married? Three Things You Should Be Practicing While You're Single

“How can you be faithful to an imperfect person if you can’t be faithful to me, who is perfect?”

God challenged me with this question a few years ago.  I was going on and on about wanting to date and get married and BOOM…He dropped the mic with that question.

We often underestimate the importance of our single season.  God didn’t create us to solely be husbands or wives, but many us attach our identity and worth to it. Marriage (and the desire for it) is a good thing, but it’s not something that should be entered into lightly. It’s more than guilt-free sex, #relationshipgoals photos on IG, a financial arrangement, or a way to ward off loneliness. God designed marriage to be a reflection of His love for his people.

God calls husbands and wives to sacrificially love and honor another, just as sacrificially gave His son, Jesus, up for us so that we could be forgiven for our sins and reconciled with God. God forgives us, loves us unconditionally, and shows us grace and mercy every day regardless of what we’ve done. That’s our model and our aim.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” John 15:12

I know that’s far from easy. It sounds good on paper but living it out is another story. It requires faith, discipline, and above all an intimate and personal relationship with God. You cannot love people as Jesus does without his help (aka the Holy Spirit) or practice. Feelings (aka being in “love”) aren’t enough. Why? because feelings change when people let you down, disappoint you, or upset you.

Godly love isn’t merely a feeling. It’s a decision. If you want to set your self up to have a successful marriage then you need to use this season to develop your character and grow in the fruit of the Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

There are three areas that are essential to a healthy and successful godly marriage that can (and should) start being developed in singleness. You won’t be perfect in these areas ever, but you can grow and set yourself up to be a better spouse before your wedding day.

Submission

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:21-23‬

Ladies, we are called to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord. If you can’t submit to God, how will you submit to your husband? How will you be able to trust his leading and vision if you don’t allow God to lead you directly?

Submission isn’t blind following or complete passivity. It’s a choice to yield to authority but it doesn’t mean you don’t have a voice. Just as we submit to God’s will and partner with Him to accomplish His purpose, we will also partner with our husband as he leads us to accomplish God’s purpose for our lives and marriage.

Now is a great time to learn and practice. Submit to God while you’re single. Learn to trust God fully and yield to his will. Wait when you feel like making it happen yourself, trust when you don’t see anything changing, and do what God’s called you to do even when it doesn’t make sense. When you get married, God will lead you in how to submit to your husband you’ll be comfortable following His instruction.

Faithfulness

If a perfect and loving God doesn’t satisfy you, what makes you think an imperfect man will?  God always does what’s right. He is perfect and his love is perfect.  If my heart isn’t content with perfect love, how will I endure imperfect love?  If I’m tempted to step outside of God’s will when life gets hard or my hormones start rising up, how will I be disciplined to stay faithful to my husband when the marriage gets hard or he starts acting up? As great as your future spouse may be, they won’t always get it right.

If you can learn to identify and resist the temptation to pursue sin as a single, you’ll be able to resist it when you’re married and a coworker starts flirting with you.

How to develop faithfulness as a single? By not giving in to what your peers are doing even though it means you’ll be left out, fighting for your purity (not out of religion but out of love and reverence yo God), and deciding that you will choose God’s instruction for you above all else. If you train yourself to God instead of to your friends, pornography, drugs, shopping, or whatever else NOW - you’ll carry that same discipline into your marriage. 

Serving 

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Philippians 2:3-5

Jesus came to serve, not to be served. In the same way- marriage is about serving one another. Yes, marriage can be fun, but its purpose isn’t to complete you or make you happy. It’s to reflect the character of God.

How can you grow in this area? Even though you’re single your life shouldn’t be solely about you. Do practice yielding to the Holy Spirit when he tells you to give things away or join an outreach ministry? Do you look to put others before yourself? If you think life is all about you now, you’ll bring that mentality into your future marriage.

You’re Not on Your Own

What God calls us to do he equips us for. Every believer has the Holy Spirit living inside of them. He is our teacher and counselor. It’s not about trying harder or doing it in your own strength. It’s about surrendering your will and allowing God to do this work within you.