Facing My Greatest Fear: Vulnerability
Most recently, my greatest fear was sharing my blog. Why? Because it requires a certain level of vulnerability, and that scares me to my core. I’ve never been the type of person who talks about their feelings to anyone. I tend to keep things in, partly out fear of judgment and partly because I didn’t believe any else one cared to hear about my problems, fears, and insecurities.
So why go through with it? Let me explain. In the last three years I’ve been through a lot. I've moved more times than I can count on one hand, been away from my family without friends and community, fell in love for the first time, and experienced more emotional pain than I could handle. I’ve experienced my fair share of emotional highs and lows, and know what it’s like to feel alone, hopeless, and think no one else could possibly understand. But through it all, I've seen God work miracles in me and my situations, and experienced His genuine love and concern for even the mundane details of my life. I knew this is something God called me to do, and I wanted to share story to encourage others.
However, we all know wanting something and going after it are two different things.
I had to take a step back, decide if this is something I truly wanted to pursue, and determine if what I’ve been doing would get me there. After almost a year of writing privately, I made up my mind that I was going to publish my first post, and then insecurity set in. My mind flooded with thoughts about how uncomfortable it will be putting myself out there, like a bullseye negativity and judgment. I flirted with the thought of keeping all of my content surface level, more personable than personal. I kept thinking about my purpose for this blog and I realized that shallow content wasn't going to accomplish my goal. Connecting with people on a deeper level would require more, and that would never happen if I kept my real self and experiences hidden.
Nothing Extraordinary ever happens inside your comfort zone.
I’d love to tell you that the first time I hit the publish button I wasn’t afraid, but that would be a huge lie. I decided to take a leap of faith and go for it. It's been 4 months since my first post and insecurity still haunts me, but it doesn't control me.
When facing a tough situation fear may be a natural response; however, if we let it control us it can prevent us growing and partaking in new experiences.
If you’re afraid of the unknown, rejection, intimacy, vulnerability, change, failure, success or anything else, the best thing you can do is give it to God. He’s the only one who can permanently heal our hurts and calm our fears. He gives us strength, and empowers us to overcome all things through Jesus Christ.
More often than not, courage is a choice ignited by faith, not feeling. If you’re waiting to feel courageous before you face your fears, you may be waiting forever. Pray, take a leap of faith, and know that rather you fall or fly God is already there to catch and guide you.