From Depressed to Set Free - How God Redeemed My Life
The beginning of my faith story started during the darkest time of my life. When I was 14 years old my father passed away unexpectedly. It happened at home and I found his body. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced a traumatic situation that changes your world in an instant, but that was mine. My entire world froze. I didn’t know how to process what happened and all of the pain I felt.
However, I remember sitting on the floor in my mom’s closet while she was doing her hair and makeup in the bathroom. As I sat there, crying and feeling a level of sadness I didn’t know was possible, I looked up at my mom and said, “ I don’t know how I can get through this without God.”.
To this day, I have no idea why I said that. I didn’t grow up going to church. My parents grew up in church but stopped going as they got older. However, they both believed in God. They taught me that God was real and how to say the Lord’s prayer, but I’d never read the bible, knew why Jesus died on the cross, or learned that I was a sinner who needed to repent and be saved.
I wasn’t living for God and honestly, knew nothing about Him. But there was something deep within my soul that knew I needed Him.
A few months after that, my mom began taking me to church. And you know what? I didn’t like it. It was too early, too loud, and too long. We went to church semi-regularly for most of my high school tenure. I didn’t surrender my life to Jesus during that time, but when I look back I realize that a seed was planted and watered. Even after I left home for college, I’d attend church (inconsistently) but there was no repentance or change of heart. Thank God for His patience!
During my junior year of college, my best friend (and roommate) became a follower of Jesus. She was zealous for God and constantly talked to me about Jesus. One evening she invited me to a worship gathering at the campus amphitheater. It was a small gathering of 30-40 students, led by a worship leader and pastor of a local church. We sat outside, under the stars, singing songs to God with only an acoustic guitar and our voices. I didn't know the words to the songs, so I just listened and soaked everything in.
After the worship set, a pastor began speaking and sharing the gospel. What he said resonated deeply with me. Although I can't remember the specific verses or words he said, I remember the feeling I felt. At that point in my life, I searched for worth in romantic relationships and achievements. I had zero self-confidence and very low self-esteem. I was depressed and lived in survival mode. I had no passion for life and no will to live. My life was empty because. I had no purpose, no identity, and no joy. When the pastor spoke about Christ dying for my sin and coming so that I could have abundant life, it convicted me. I was at the end of myself and tired of doing things my way because it wasn’t getting me anywhere.
The pastor did an altar call but I didn’t respond publicly. I was ready to give my life to Jesus Christ, but I waited until I got home. In the privacy of my bedroom, I knelt down and prayed to God. I repented and confessed my new belief in Jesus. At that moment, I instantly felt different. I had no idea what I was in for but I was excited. I couldn't wait to start living life for and with God.
“That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”
Romans 10:9-10
A couple of months later I attended my first Bible study. I had a King James Children's Bible that I received as a gift when I was a baby. I didn't know how to navigate it and was unfamiliar with everything. I was completely lost during most Bible studies I attended during that time. The feeling of not knowing the bible and fully understanding what everyone already seemed to know created a hunger in me to learn God’s word. I ended up reading the entire New Testament in four months. I didn't understand all of it, but that's okay. Our faith is a journey and a process.
That hunger to know God and understand His word is still with me today. I went from never attending church to making content to spread the gospel of Jesus; From thinking that Christians were strange, to becoming radical for the LORD. This is what God does. He transforms and redeems us. He brought me from death to life and gave me purpose and hope.
A lot has happened between then and now. God delivered me from clinical depression, low self-esteem, self-hatred, lust, loneliness, idolizing money, and so much more. For me, all of those were a process - and each taught me so much about the character and love of God
It doesn’t matter where you are in life. This fact is true for everyone: You were created by the One True God to know Him and spread His glory on the earth. Many of us feel empty no matter how much money, sex, success, or "fun" we have. Truth is, the things of this world cannot satisfy your deepest needs. Sin has prevented us from having a relationship with God and made us spiritually dead. It’s not about being a good or bad person. We are all born into sin and have all fallen short of the glory of God. It’s our innate human nature, and we cannot overcome it on our own. But there is good news! God made a way for us to overcome sin and be reunited with Himself through His son Jesus' sacrifice on the cross.
“For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
Romans 6:23
Because of God's love for you, He sent his son Jesus to die the death your sin deserved and pay the price you could never pay. If you accept Him as your Lord and Savior, you’ll be fully forgiven and free from the power of sin. You can like me, have a new beginning in life and find joy, peace, identity, and love and stop living in a perpetual cycle of depression, self-hatred, apathy, pain, and fear.
“For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.”
2 Corinthians 5:21
Know that God is not mad at you, He’s waiting for you to say yes to the gift of salvation He’s offered through Jesus. I pray that if you’re reading this and haven’t decided to give your life to Jesus, you will today.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
2 Corinthians 5:17
This is just the beginning of a series of blogs diving into my testimony and how the power of God has worked in my life. There’s so much to write so let me know if there are any topics you’re particularly interested in!
