All in Faith
There came a time when I silenced God’s voice. When I stepped out of His will and followed my own desires. It began as discontentment, progressed to lying and secrets, and finally ended in depression. Sin is like that, only showing you the pleasure, never revealing the consequence and pain. It promises you a high, but what you don’t see is depth of the fall. One sin always leads to another. It starts off small, but ends in devastation.
We often hear sermons and teaching on how God wants to bless us, that He is for us, and that He is faithful to fulfill every promise He has given us. But let’s be honest, sometimes it’s hard to believe because it’s hard to see. Often times, the situation we're in takes a turn for the worst instead of the better. Yes, we are called to walk by faith and not by sight, but practically, what does that look like?
Do you ever feel left out? Like your the last one up to be picked, but no one wants on their team? Have you ever waited on God but the wait began to feel like a weight? One that is holding you back from happiness?I've been there, and more often than I like, I go back on emotional visits.
Rock bottom. I pray it's a place you never have to see. I pray that unlike me you heed to the warnings, and walk in the Light instead of in darkness. I pray you don't let the temptation get the best of you and take you down a road you never intended to travel. I once was so obsessed with having what I wanted, that I tuned God out altogether. I silenced His voice, and turned up my own. It didn't happen all at once. No, It was gradual, as most sin is. I trusted my feelings instead of the Truth.
Yesterday I woke up feeling empty, as if there was a hole in my chest the size of a crater. I felt sad and honestly I didn't know why. But I should have.
Today (Feb. 17) is my late father's birthday. Before today, I can't remember the last time I cried on his birthday, but somehow the pain of losing him felt fresh as ever - like a wound that never healed. Except that it has. When I lost my dad I was 14 years old and was not a follower of Jesus. His death sent me into in depression - a battle that lasted 10 years. At my worst, I was a shell of a person.
Community has been on on my heart lately. One of my prayers it that this blog become a community for us to be our real selves; a place where we can feel safe to show our imperfections and bold enough to encourage one another.
My life and faith wouldn't be the same without the supportive group of friends I have. There was a time in my life when I lived away from my family and couldn't make a friend to save my life. I've been on both sides of the fence and that's why I'm passionate about it.
Seasons - our life is marked by them. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that seasons change. Some are long, some are short, some are exciting, and others, you can’t wait until they are over. But one thing is sure – there are never forever. A Time for Everything - There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: - Ecclesiastes 3:1. Right now, I’m in a season beginnings. I’m growing my blog and starting a
Last year this time I was sitting on the bathroom floor – crying. I remember it vividly. It was the first in my life that I wasn’t able to be with my family (particular my mom) on Thanksgiving. My immediate family is small and I’m extremely close with my mother. Even though I would be having dinner with my 2 best friends who are more like sisters, I was upset. This is difficult time of year for me. I lost my dad shortly after thanksgiving when I was fourteen.
Last month I had the privilege of traveling to Sydney, Australia to attend Hillsong Conference. One of the guest speakers was Erwin McManus, pastor of Mosaic (church) in Los Angeles, California. He gave a challenging sermon about prayers and I want to share my insights with you.
He preached from Matthew 20:29-34 –
As Jesus and his disciples were leaving Jericho, a large crowd followed him. Two blind men were sitting by the roadside, and when they heard that Jesus was going by, they shouted, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!” The crowd rebuked them and told them to be quiet, but they shouted all the louder, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!” Jesus stopped and called them. “What do you want me to do for you?” he asked. “Lord,” they answered, “we want our sight.” Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him.
Erwin raised the question as to why Jesus would ask ‘What do you want me to do for you?”. Why didn’t he just heal them?
Have you ever expected an answer from God or prayed for Him to show up in your situation, but instead of a clear response or sign all you felt was silence? As if your words were bouncing off of the ceiling instead of making their way to God.
I’ve been there.
Often when we seek God’s guidance we look for response our human ears can validate or hearts can easily feel. We expect answers and signs that line up with our way of thinking. Sometimes we get that, but often we don’t.
I know I’m not the only one who’s felt this way. It’s not a popular thing to admit but I know it’s a very real struggle for many (if not most) Christians. I felt this way a couple of weeks ago.
Typically, my morning routine consists of me listening to worship music as I get ready for work, reading my bible for 5-15 minute before making breakfast, then praying during my morning commute. But that day I wasn’t feeling it. I simply had no desire to open my bible or spend any time with God.
Doesn’t that sound terrible?
Most (if not all) of us have been in a situation that seemed hopeless. We’ve prayed to God and sought after his guidance. We asked Him for answers, pleaded for His intervention, but didn’t see the results we hoped for.
God is sovereign and knows everything that has happened and will happen to us. More than that He loves us. We won’t always understand His methods and plan, but the book Romans does tell us that for the believer in Christ, God works all things for our good according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).
