When Things Fall Apart
They say hindsight is 20/20 and the older I get the more I find that to be true. I look back at my life, decisions and circumstances, and I'm amazed at how far God has brought me. A year ago my life looked drastically different in a number of ways. For one thing, I was head over heels in love with a guy I couldn't imagine my life without.
I prayed for things to work out between us, but they continued to fall apart. As I look back on those earnest prayers to God to save the relationship I'm a so grateful the answer was no. I can only imagine where I would be now if our relationship had worked out. I’ll never be sure, but I know one thing for certain - I wouldn't be where I am now. Our break up was a catalyst in my life and sent me to my lowest point to date. I’ve struggled with depression for 10 years and last summer’s battle was my toughest to date. But in the midst of the darkness God’s light broke through. I learned what it means to cling to God, He was all I had (and all I needed), even when I didn't feel like it.
Eventually I ended up relocating for a new job opportunity (which I never would have done had I been attached). The move was everything I needed, closer to family and in the same city as my best friend. The job was refreshing and beyond everything I’d prayed for. I never would have experienced these things or met the incredible people I now call my friends had I stayed where God was clearly calling me to leave.
I use to ask God why He would let me fall so hard, so deep in love with someone knowing how devastated and broken I would be after it ended. He is after all all-knowing. God revealed a lot to me about the situation, but the most important thing He showed me was that it is a part of my story, my testimony. The love and the pain I experienced had a purpose. Both have helped shape me into the person God created me to be. More than that, the entire situation led me to experience a part of God’s character that I never have. In my brokenness and disobedience, I encountered a gentle and forgiving God. I’ve witnessed how much He cares, and how He picks up broken pieces and patiently restores them.
It’s been just over a year and the pain is gone, my heart has been made whole. I no longer think about what I've lost, instead I focus on what I have. God and His promises. When times get tough I sit and remember the one He gave me last June when all hope seemed lost, Ecclesiastes 3:11, “He has made everything beautiful in its time". We have to trust that God sees what we don't. His no’s are not to hurt us, but to protect and re-route us. If we knew what God knows, we'd ask exactly for what He gives. So be thankful for the no’s because they’re a part of His will and will direct you to something greater. In the trials, the storms, and the valleys trust in the One who is Love, and has promised to never leave or forsake us.
Much Love, Tiffanie <3