This week has been a rough one. I got some news last week that left my heart hurting and my stomach in knots. I won’t go into details, but I know many of you have felt this way before too.
I’ve never been one to embrace vulnerability or talk about my feelings openly. I’ve always tried to handle it secretly. I thought being emotional was weakness and by holding it in I was being strong. But I was wrong. I’m learning that I can’t do it on my own. We were never meant to do any part of this life on our own.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. - Hebrews 4:15-16
In the midst of processing my emotions I found myself thinking, “You shouldn’t feel this way. Why are you sad? You should have faith that God is working things out.” Immediately after I finished that thought the Holy Spirit spoke to me (in a thought). He said, “Feeling hurt or sad or disappointed doesn’t mean you don’t trust God, it just means that you’re human.”
I hope that statement gives you as much freedom as it gave me.
All too often in Christian culture I think it feels like everyone else always “has it together” and that we have to hide what it is we're really going through.
But that's not how it should be. I want you to know that it's okay to not to be okay. It's okay to not understand, to feel disappointed, sad, frustrated, or upset.
God made us to feel, and there’s beauty in that. It shows that we are made in His image. He feels and therefore we do. Emotion fuels action. God grieves over our sin, is compassionate to us in our weakness, and loves us in spite of all of it. It’s because of love that sent Jesus willingly died on a cross for our sins so that we could be reconciled back to God the Father.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16
It’s not a bad thing to feel. What matters is what you do with those feelings. Do they motivate you to run toward God or away from Him?
In previous times I ran to people, food, even wine – but not this time. For the first time I ran to God with my pain instead of trying to hide it and handle it on my own. Like a child runs to their mom or dad when they have a boo-boo, I’m learning to run to my Father with my pain. Knowing He is with me and cares about what’s going on in my heart helps subdue the sting even though it still hurts.
From now on I'm surrendering my pain to the One who cares for me and loves me.
I want you to know that God is for you. Though you may not always understand His plan, you can trust that He understands your heart because He made it. He heals the deepest of wounds, and revives broken hearts and dreams. You don't need to run to anything or anyone with your pain, only to the Holy one.
God is our refuge and strength,an ever-present help in trouble. - Psalm 46:1
Love and Grace,