My Journey to Becoming Confident
A few months ago a friend of mine was commenting on how adventurous and confident I am. I laughed a bit and thought to myself, "How did I get here?". I started thinking about the old me, the version of myself that wasn't confident. The me who's battled so much pain and insecurity; Who felt like she didn't start living her life until she was 25. Let me tell you about her.
She use to look in the mirror and tear herself down. She didn't believe she was beautiful or worthy or good enough for anything. But she never showed it. Much like everything else about her, she hid it from the world. She didn't embrace her uniqueness with confidence. Instead, she chose to blend into the background praying no one would notice anything about her because in her mind she had nothing to offer.
It wasn't until she was at her lowest that she received a revelation. The revelation of what it means to LIVE. You see, there is a difference between LIVING and EXISTING. We all exist, but we don't all live. Living requires PASSION, PURPOSE, DIRECTION, and PERSEVERENCE. It's not just going through the motions, which is what she used to do. She realized that you can't waste time Dreaming and waiting on someday. There are seven days in a week and someday isn't one of them. She learned the hard way that tomorrow isn't promised, so live like today is all you have. All of this changed her, she stopped wishing and started working - towards her dreams, goals, and overcoming her fears.
She became Stronger, Confident, and more Adventurous. She stopped caring what they thought and started thinking for herself. She knew she could either live afraid or do it afraid. So she did the latter. Some say she's fearless, but trust me she's afraid. Afraid of staying the same and stuck wondering "what if?". Afraid of looking back at her life in 30 years and regretting the risks she didn't take. She doesn't let fear define her. No! She makes it her motivation.
Now, she prayerfully takes more leaps of faith. Better Oh well than What if, Right? She does her best to love on others and be to them what she needed the most (and still need from time to time). She is by no means perfect, struggling with comparison from time to time, and doubting herself and her abilities more often than she should. She's continually learning and growing, but far from having it all figured out.
If you ask her about her journey she'll tell you it's been Beautiful, but not easy. However, now when she looks in the mirror she doesn't tear herself down, instead she speaks encouragement over herself. Her eyes have been transformed to see the beauty in her flaws and quirks, and know she's worth far more than rubies. Her value isn't dependent on anyone's opinion or interest in her. She's confident and wears that confidence like a badge of honor, because she knows the battle she went through to earn it. She has no idea what the future holds, but she knows The One who holds it. Last but not least, she confident of this - the best is yet to come, not only for her, but for you as well.